The Journal of Ashara Dayne- everything she didn’t say

The married Ladies of the court had arranged the seating for dinner, and had placed Ser Penrose next to myself, and Prince Doran. Our conversations were pleasant as they had been throughout, and I do believe I will grow to love him in time, once my heart has grown weary of mourning a future that was never truly mine. A significant portion of the meal was spent with Prince Doran, Ser Jamie, and Courtney discussing whom Jon should marry. I smiled politely through the many, many suggestions, knowing Jon would never marry, and had so far evaded every attempt to arrange a match. The worst suggestion was Cersei Lannister, I cannot imagine someone who would make him more unhappy. With luck that suggestion was soon forgotten. I could see Jon from where I sat, towards the end of the long table. He looked particularly bleak, more so than usual. I was unaware why at the time, but that would not be for long. 

After dinner, the King was to hear the Lords Paramounts’ petitions. I knew that he intended to give them what they were demanding, abdication. My duty as the new Mistress of Whispers was to sit in for these petitions, and yet for all the secrets I now carried, I could not have predicted this. The Lords Paramounts presented their reasons for why they would not bend the knee to Rhaegar, and pledged themselves to Aegon. As their demand settled into the silence one only feels before a storm, dread settled over me. ‘No’. That was the word that broke the silence. Elia insisted the Lords ask again in the morning, for the answer may be different, and Rhaegar undercut her words with a declaration that they would not be. I could not quiet the worry that perhaps Ned had been right all along, and I had been too close to see it. That Rhaegar was willing to place his seat on the throne above peace in the realm, that perhaps, Jon, Arthur and even Elia were too close to our young king to see what others could. 

I regret that thought ever found life, The truth came from Barristen after the lords had been dismissed, and it was the damn pyromaners. Of course it was. Over dinner, they had told Rhegar that his abdication would mean the end of Kings Landing. We need more time, time to root them all out and end the threat once and for all, but I know the Lords Paramounts will not give us that. I hate him for the position he had placed us all in, and understand it all the same. He could be a great king if the world would allow him the chance. I find that understanding makes the anger harder to carry, not easier.

I wanted to find Ned. To see if any words could buy us the days we needed, but there were other duties to see to. Prince Lewyn, no longer in his white cloak and dressed in black needed swords. Arthur and I agreed without hesitation, and followed him out into the silent dark of the woods, where a servant met us with young Rhaynes and Aegon. Elia had told me she planned to send them to Dorne, and as always I will do whatever is in my power to protect her sweet babes. We moved in silence through the dark trees, Prince Visyres among us as well, his bright hair hidden under the hood of a cloak. 

The smuggler who led us warned of an abandoned fort ahead that sometimes sheltered bandits. Tonight, the odds were not in our favor, for it was manned by a crew of supposed do-gooders who asserted they had cleared the road ahead of any bandits, and demanded payment for their good deeds. While Lewyn was not in his white cloak, Arthur still was, and the bandits seemed to be wise enough to know the symbolism of that. I offered up jewelry, gold bangles worth more than these bandits were likely to ever see again in their lifetimes. It was not enough. They wanted the sword Arthur carried for Lewyn, perhaps having heard of the violet-eyed Kingsguard who wielded a blade of legend, unaware that blade was safe within camp. They grew restless in his refusal, and sensing there would be no bargaining,  Arthur disarmed the one with the spear. Lewyn and I moved at the same moment without a word between us. I circled wide around the back, quiet and precise. It was over quickly. It needed to be, for there were likely to be more.

There were more on the road ahead. None were a match for us, especially Arthur. Lewyn fought with Aegon in arm, turning aside all blows that threatened the prince. Rhaeyns clutched to my skirts as we fought our way down the road. At last we made it to the ports, and quietly bid Lewyn, and the children farewell in the dark and quiet.  

I know this is the right path forward, the one that keeps Aegon and Rhaenys safe. I must believe it will be worth it, separating my dear friend from her children feels wrong in ways that make me doubt, but if they remain safe, it will be worth it.